The children we have are never really ours. They are given to us, in trust, for a time, a short time really, and we are asked to be mothers and fathers, stewards, mentors, guardians, teachers, priests, ministers, and friends to them, but they are never really our children. They belong to somebody else, God, and to themselves more than they ever belong to us. There is both a deep challenge and a deep consolation in understanding and accepting that. If we accept this, we will be less inclined to act as “owners” of our children and we will be less prone to manipulate our children for our own ends, to see them as a satellites within our own orbits, and more inclined to love, cajole, challenge, and correct, even while giving them their freedom. When we realize, in the healthy sense, that our children are not really ours, we also realize that we are not alone in raising and caring for them. We are, in a manner of speaking, only foster parents. God is the real parent and God’s love, care, aid, and presence to our children is always in excess of our own. God’s anxiety for our children is also deeper than our own. God can touch, challenge, soften, and inspire at levels inside of a child that you cannot reach. Fear not you are inadequate! You can live with that. You’re only a foster parent. God is the real parent.[1]
[1] Excerpt from Fr. Ron Rolheiser’s reflection, “Not Our Own Children,” July 2006.